Friday, 30 September 2011

Special KKK

This subject has been popping up in conversation a lot recently on the web and in real life so fuck it ...... I am going to talk about one of the things you shouldn't bring up at a dinner party .......

This Morning i got into work and i was having breakfast when i was asked by a colleague if i had any good jokes?? Then i remembered a joke i read on here by DCG ( reference ) and i thought fuck it , it made me laugh and the colleage in question is a good bloke and we rip on each other a lot ! ( let's call him Ronald or Ron for short ) so i told it .............

"What do Nike, Addidas , Reebok and the KKK all have in common ? ....... They all make black people run like the clappers!"  BOOM BOOM !

Now Ron Himself is a Black guy and is ghanaian  ( but he sounds more cockney than Dell boy )  and when i delivered the punch line he burst out laughing and then proceeded to call me a cunt !( You can probably see why we get on ). Anyway we were laughing about it and then someone went up to Ron said "good morning" and then had a chat that i could't hear and quite frankly i couldn't care less about. Then trundles over to me and says that i cant say things like that because it offeneds her because its racist! Right this bird if i am putting it bluntly is White,Welsh , fat and annoying! . She is stood there looking at me waiting for a reaction , whilst all i can do is try and comprehend what has happened !! Ron my mate, the ghanaian is fine , but i am offending HER?! (Ron in the mean time is laughing out of her line of sight and jesting at me ).. To be honest i apologised to HER and got on with my day and Ron thought it was funny to tell me how us white people are to up tight and should relax!  but this episode made me question "ism's" and when is crossing the line? and when is it just arseholes sticking their noses in?

                                               Ron after a morning full of "Banter" ! He loves it !

It makes me worried that people who stick their noses in "the P.C brigade" are going to have us ALL walking on egg shells!. I worry that i wont be able to call my mate a "fat bastard" just in case i offend someone who was listening in who once sat by a fat person on a bus but felt a connection with them ( even thought i am guessing that during the fateful bus journey the fat person was physically impeading on their seat?. Maybe the fat person secreated hormones through her skin and passed them to her?!!  let's be fair! How much do we really know about them? ) anyway what i am trying to say is that i worry that this banter may one day be taken away because we may hurt someone's feelings even if your not directing it at them!  Has the world gone mad !!! Try and put yourself in a world when you couldn't take the piss out of a friends short comming for fear of offeneding someone who should really be keeping their noses out!? Because lets face it ,we all poke fun at people ! Whats the difference between ripping on someone for getting drunk and making a complete tit out of themselves and taking the piss out of them being Bald, fat , smelling like a Hobo or being Cuban ?? I think if you boil it down enough its all the same thing in the end !

                                                     Pass me the butter !!!...... I'm hungry !

Personally i think its all in the context of what and how you are saying what ever you are saying ( unless you are calling someone  a "smelly pirate hooker" And then it personal and it's WAR !!!!!)

I think what i am trying to say apart from fat people take up more than 1 seat on a bus seat is .....................................................Keep your nose out of my business !

I would also like to say that i dont condone Bullying at all and that Ron has finally been promted to the KFC expert at our office! cause you know how all black people love fried chicken............. Just kidding ;)


Wednesday, 28 September 2011

Mabs Poems

She is My misses ( Lucky Girl ) and i am going to dedicate this page to poems about  her !

Mabs the bog monster 

Mabs was an awful beast,
On small children she did like to feast,
She gobbled them up,
Then a cuppa she’d sup,
Before eating 3 more at least!

Mabs the Cake fiend 

She loved eating cakes,
Spending time with her mummy,
Watching them rise,
Oohh they look so yummy!

She loved eating cake
As it brought her much joy
Now she’s eaten so much
She cant play with her toys

Now she loves eating cake
But only in bits,
As she eaten so much,
it gives her the shits.

I haven't died yet !
Thoughts of a dying man! 

Oh Katharine, Oh Katharine,
when will you be mine?
I see you at night,
But not all the time!

We hold hands on the beach,
It feels so real,
What I wouldn’t give to not dream this but feel!

When I sleep I am with you and I feel so high.
Then when I wake from my slumber,
I just want to die!

Oh Katharine, Oh Katharine
Why did you leave?
We once were together,
Now alone I can’t breath.

Why have you done this?
We were so great together
Now I have to face this nothingness,
Alone, forever!

More to come .........................................................................

Tuesday, 20 September 2011


If they dont get kicked out it will bite the do gooders sticking their nose in,  in the arse! Hopefully !

                                                     Is this chap as thick as i think he is ?
This story has divided public opinion and i really dont know why?! I certainly don't have to much gripe against gypsies as being from worcestershire you get to know one or two of them and even thought they are different they are like the rest of us as in some of them are sound , some alright and others are complete wankers. But what is going on at Dale farm is surely just a case of law breaking by the gypsies?

Some of the gypsies are claiming that this is somehow racist and others are claiming that this is a breach of their human rights ?! I am sorry but what a load of shit this all is ! Racism !!! surely how can it be racist if we are treating you like everyone else? You have broken the law with the growing of the site .. remember that we all need planning permission if we want to build on our own land? Human rights!! I am sorry but you gave these up when you broke the law!

Another thing i dont understand are these activists that are there that have concreted themselves to the site ? What the hell has it got to do with these people? They are out to protect the gypsies human rights?! Where do these people come from ? Has Green peace had a clear out ? do we have lots of hippes aimlessly walking the contryside looking for causes to fight ? Come on people let them fight their own battles .. Gypsies wont look at you differently, they wont thank you ! You will always be a non gypsie to them but if you get lucky you might be alright for a non gypsie! So please granny go home and take up crochet instead of a defensive position with you arm cast in concrete  inside a transit van!

Rant over !

No gypsies were hurt in the writing of this blog but if any read it i may well be !

Wednesday, 14 September 2011

Painful memories !

The loss of people you love is part of life but that doesn't make it easier to deal with.

Its coming to that time of year again when subconsciously i start thinking about my mum more and more. All i have to do is turn on the radio or the T.V or look out the window to see, hear and feel things that remind me of her and how great a woman she was.

It may sound terrible but i cant even remember how long ago it was that she passed but i am inclined to say nearly 4 years. The reason for this was then when she passed it hit me hard, hard to the point where i actually think that my mind has wiped a part of my life from my memory, almost like it wiped out that horrible time because i didn't want to remember her in that way. I didn't and dont want to remember her lying in a hospital bed delerious and beaten by illness that had plagued her for so long. I want to remember her as the strong , charismatic, loving, selfless person she was and always will be to me.But looking back on it that time will forever be stamped in my memory and it's my conscious that is trying to keep it out!

I remember getting a call at work from Jan who was mums closest friend saying that i should "get to hospital as your mum isn't well!" and i thought to myself she will be ok ,i only saw her yesterday(in hospital) and we were joking about as per usual, but inside i somehow knew she was in a bad way as Jan doesn't panic without there being good reason. When i got off the phone to Jan i called my girlfriend to get me and take me to the hospital. Even on the drive down there i just kept saying to myself " we were joking around yesterday about her and her rantings, she was fine! " and only now do i see that what eventually killed her was already taking effect then.. I sometimes think back to that day and think "if only" ! If only i had flagged up her strange behaviour then maybe she would still be with us today?! But that is wrong of me to think that ! I shouldn't harbor that grief and i certainly shouldn't be trying to make myself feel worse than anyone else.But naturally i feel that we all regret something when struck by such grief?! Weather it was that you thought you didn't see them enough or you said something you wish you hadn't we all do it to ourselves without thinking about it!

I remember the moment when i walked into the hospital room .. what felt like a moment and a lifetime all rolled into one ... i looked across at Jan who looked back at me with the widest eye's i had ever seen .. then i looked acorss to my sister Kate who was holding mum's hand with tears in her eyes not taking them off mum for a second... Before i had even looked at my strong , charismatic, loving, selfless mum i felt this crippling pain in my stomach that nearly took me to the floor.  My eyes filled up so much with tears that when i tried to look at her i couldn't even see her.. i just knew that even though she was still alive that this was it and that this time we wouldn't be taking mum home , that i wouldn't ever play crib with her or laugh with her again, i knew in my heart of hearts and that broke my heart a million times over and then broke it again and again and again.

When my eyes eventually cleared my fears were confirmed! I dont want to descibe how she looked in to much detail as it upsets me as much today as it did then, but i will say that I saw the bravest person i know reduced to a shadow of the woman she was, is and always will be in my eyes. But just like i knew she would as she is definatly no quitter she hung in there( and i wonder where me and kate get our stubborn streak from). My aunties and uncles came down the next day to see her from Peterborough and when they saw her they looked like i felt when i first saw her! Mum was the one in the family who kept them together so for them especially for uncle Gary it must of been hard seeing her like that. With the rest of the family there to keep watch me and kate took this time to go and get some food and a coffee and to be honest to get some mental rest. But when i came back after a few hours there seemed to be a buzz from the room, which i couldn't understand. But when i came in Uncles Gary was holding mum's hand saying "Hi Diane" and my mum was looking at him and i could see she knew who he was... and what happened next i didn't expect at all .. She looked at me almost into me and said " love you". I couldn't tell you how this made me feel?! as i didn't and still dont know. I just cried and held her ,told her i loved her and just held her as tight as i could i didn't want to let go and i could of held her forever if it had meant not losing her, Just held her forever and not said a word.... That moment will live with me for as long as i am walking the earth , it will live with me as a moment,one of many where my mum told me she loved me, but also within that she was telling me that this would be the last time she would utter those words to me. I knew it ... i could see it in her eyes, this was her final goodbye to me, my sister and the rest of my family... But along with her brief coherance came a fools false hope.. i couldn't help but think to myself " maybe she will actually pull through this" "maybe she will survive" !I knew it was wrong but i couldn't help but ask myself those questions .. that after days and days of complete and utter sadness and endless crying maybe , just maybe , she might just pull through?!But as her coherence wained, my heart and hope completely dissapeared! almost to the point where i could't feel anything, all of my physical senses seemed to shut down as well as my emotional ones . I was exshausted beyond measure , me and my sister had given everything to grief and so much so that i didn't think i had anything left apart from a numbness , a numbness that came with the knowing that we were just waiting for mum to die ..

Me and Kate  made the desicion with the doctor to stop all treatment as we didn't want her to survive this nightmare to then be faced with brain damage and near complete physical disfunction. The desicion was easy to make when looking at it like this but still upsetting. We left the office and held each other in a moment of acceptance and sorrow.

Mum after a few more days she passed from encephalitis and i couldn't for the life of me shake that time in the hospital. It was all i could think about and i didn't want my memories of her to be these ones. I wanted them to be of all the fun we had as a family. All of the amazing Christmas's we had when we would start drinking to early and end up dancing on tables whilst letting our dinner cook a little longer than it should, the times we would play board games together and how stupidly competetive it used to get , and even more inportantly the little things. It must have taken me the best part of 2 years for me to get the memories back and push back that time in the hospital. But even these memories hold a certain sadness , a sadness that you will never have these moments again! But i must say that they now carry far more joy than sadness .. a joy that i was lucky enough to have those moments in time.. when you have such a strong bond with people you will always have ups and downs and as a family we certainly had our's but from my memories we certainly had more fun than sadness and that comforts me no end.

It would be a crime to not mention my girlfriend and how amazing she was through this time and even more so today . I really am a lucky bloke having her in my life.

Just to finish off i thought i would add in a poem i wrote maybe only a month after mum had passed but i was only able to add the last paragraph sometime earlier this year. 

Painful Remembering

To have loved someone unconditionally is a gift.
Then to lose that person so dear is a pain you will never entirely shift.

I remember the last time we laughed together.
It was in the hospital where she eventually laid to rest
The rest of my life from that moment
Was to then to become a reminding test

I am not talking about the thought of her passing
Rather the thought of never laughing, talking or just being in her presents again
To never see her smile or beat me at crib,
The more I remember the more I feel this pain.

Some people say that you should remember the good times
But when I do this brings a smile along with a tear
It’s horrible to think that I cant utter the words
That you’re the one I hold most dear.

You will always be the best part of me
You gave me the best start and education in life
You will always be with me
In this and the afterlife.

I will always miss and remember you mum
No matter how much its hurts, I won’t surrender.
Cause the happiness I feel when I do
Is worth the pain I go through to remember.

All of my love

Your Son


                                                        Mum and Kate on Kate's 21st

Friday, 2 September 2011

Two things i hate are gobby yids and Manc's !

I am a massive Arsenal fan so after the thrashing the other week and then this morning waking up to hear Gary fuckin Nevile spouting his "i love Manchester United" Bollocks again! It has prompted me to write this piece of literary wonder about the 2 biggest cunts from the 2 wankiest teams ! 

Case 1; Gary Fucking Neville 
                                                                         Gay much ?

It had been a great day the 2nd of Febuary this year when i went onto BBC sport and it's head line was "Gary cunt Neville has retired" ! I remember reading the article and thinking " thank fuck i dont have to see or hear from that manc bastard again" I was hoping that Sir Alex himself had done us all a favour and put him out of his misery cause lets face it .. i bet his constant Manchester united this, manchester united that, every day at training even got on the scots tits! Gary Neville even said himself recently when Danny Welbeck was substituted against the dirty Yids the other week " i went my entire career without getting a look like that off the boss" ( he was referring to the jubilant look Ferguson had on his face with regards to Welbeck performance. Unless ferguson just has a thing for young black men ?! ) . That comment goes to show that the man who Neville loved more than himself thought 2 things ..

1)That he never set the world on fire on the pitch !

2) He is a cunt!

I agree with Ferguson on both points ! This Rat tashed prick should do us all a favour and crawl back into his own arse hole and then go and fuck himself ! Below are the quotes from todays bbc sport about the England team ..

"Ferguson may have got more out of the squad," Vague much ?!

"But the reality is would we have beaten Spain in the last World Cup? No, because they were better than England." Nice one Nev !

"The analogy I use is if a man takes a woman out 85 times and then she's not your girlfriend at the end of it, you've wasted a lot of time". Wanker !

"Over the last 10 or 15 years, Spain, France, Italy, Portugal and Brazil have all been better than England." Stato !!

"We need more players of higher quality who can keep the ball." David Pleat Esq ?

 I mean come on!! ... I could have told you that AND my Analogy would have been better! Something along the lines of .." If you have shagged a bird 85 times and she is still shit in bed then dump her and then ask yourself the question... would you of had more fun by simply just having a wank?" Done .

Come and get me Sky sports !!!

Case 2; Garth Crooks
                                                                           Smug Prick

Garth Crooks and his general ability to be an utter knob are the reason i hate this ex yid cockend. He is constantly making ludicrous statements and pulling stupid smug faces ! His facial expression i hate the most is the one when he looks like he has just stolen candy from a homeless kid who has just sold his arse 5 times over for it ! The one he would pull if he was fingering a disabled person ! I am indeed talking about the above picture !!!

On top of his ridiculous facial expressions is his inane waffelling on BBC football focus ! I hate to think that i actually pay some of this cunts wages and all i get in return is him talking about what he bought at the shops yesterday afternoon! I sit there wishing there was something i could do?!.. maybe i could go to the bbc tower and blow it up ( just to make sure ) but then i think " what if somehow i fucked up the next series of spooks?" i love that show! so that fucks that up!.So there i am on a Saterday afternoon , resigned to sitting there in my undercrackers swearing at my T.V ( well that fat smug git ) with my misses looking at me in disgust saying to me " i dont know why you get so het up about him ? He is wearing a nice shirt after all!" and stuff like "calm down! its only a game!!" its safe to say that these comments don't help my mood and then its my turn to look at her in disgust whilst thinking !! "Is this woman next to me a closet Yid?", "would that smug bastard he have that smug look on my face whilst fingering MY misses? I bet he would!" and worse of all "does she actually like Garth Crook's shirt?"

I will leave it up to you which one of these wankers you actually hate more ! Let me know who you hate and why?!